Thank you for leaving. Thank you for staying.

I read something the other day that punched me in the gut. It was some motivational Facebook-video thing about "...don't chase people to be in your life... If they don't respond to your calls or texts, walk away. The people that belong in your life will come find you and stay..."

Or something like that.

I get it, I totally do. Curating your relationships to ensure that you're surrounding yourself with the right people is so important for a happy, healthy life. This can be challenging (particularly if those relationships are family), so I can appreciate the motivational sentiment about not getting wrapped up and chasing someone down who doesn't want to be chased. Don't get trapped in a toxic "relationship".

But right now?

I'm in this season of life that makes me feel like a terrible friend/daughter/sister/person-who-should-have-a-memory. Days pass before I return text messages or emails that have gotten buried - even from people I WANT to talk to. (Don't even get me started on voicemail.)

Like so many things, there is so much going on below the surface. What you don't see/hear on social media or when you pass me in the hallway. I'm certainly not alone - there are so many other people out there juggling even more than me. But right now - I am struggling to eke out solutions that work for my unique family and situation.

I love my tiny humans beyond understanding, but they are all-consuming. James is thriving and full of questions and observations and thoughts and WORDS (so many words). Thomas is growing like crazy - cutting new teeth, learning to move (NOT crawl, but more on that later) and growing into himself.

So then add in a healthy dollop of: no one is sleeping at night. Thomas is fussy due to teething, and more recently is incubating the germs that big brother just passed along. James is growing so quickly, and struggling with nighttime growing pains and accidents. Which means that we are currently waking up between 2-6 times a night tending to these tiny humans, then bringing them into our bed, and contorting ourselves into uncomfortable-yet-safe-for-the-baby positions, and battling the alligator rolls and shrieks from James when he feels "squished". 

We wake up in the morning. Get ready for the day. Get everyone to work/school. Work our 8-10 hours. Come home. Get dinner ready. Maybe get dishes done, and also get boys bathed/ready for bed. And by the time they're in bed, we're exhausted. How much do I want to respond to emails or texts or work on projects? NONE. I want to try and get a couple of hours of sleep before the first kid wails and needs more attention. And in this fashion, days/weeks/months pass. Full of these unremarkable moments, but when layered together - they create this life. 

So, I want to say thank you for staying. To all of my friends and family who are able to text me, and then text me again, and send me reminders. And who are patient. Thank you for encouraging me, for picking up where we left off. For being the initiator for getting together. For having enough bandwidth and grace to carry us both. Thank you for hanging in there, and having enough love for me and my kiddos and my family and my hot-mess status.  
I also want to say thank you to those who couldn't wait. Those who don't have that room and space to carry me right now. I'm thankful you are strong enough to break away and advocate for yourself and surround yourself with the people you need in this season of your life.

Please consider that someone who isn't returning your messages and calls and texts isn't ignoring you. Isn't trying to cut you out. Isn't trying to make a statement about you. Let's give each other the grace and love we all so desperately need. 







All images taken by the amazing Rebecca of RAW Photography by Rebecca Ann Walsh

Comments

  1. Thank you for writing this! I was moved to tears!

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