February 10, 2017

Update: Mental health is health.


This morning I had my second appointment. Again, I felt nothing but profound relief and a sense of eagerness approaching my appointment.

In the 10 days since my last appointment, I’ve started to feel more like myself. There are many factors at play to this, and while I’m not “healed” or “fixed” or “all better”,  I certainly feel more capable and confident - and like I have a partner to help me think through some of my current stumbling blocks/hurdles.

In our previous meeting, we talked a bit about what was weighing most heavily on me (and to be frank - that first appointment was a little rough and colored by exhaustion). We narrowed it down to four major things, and turns out - those thoughts were riddled with shame and fear. She helped me talk through reframing those thoughts to unload those paralyzing emotions - and when I look back - it seems so simple… but I couldn’t do it myself.

I wrote the reframed versions in my bullet journal to refer back to. It’s going to take some practice and revisiting, because I have nearly 33 years of practice shaming the hell out of myself - thinking differently is certainly a challenge.

During the week, I wrote down ideas for things I specifically wanted to work on and address. Like noticing when anxiety and avoidance behaviors begin - what can I do to address them and start working through them? We worked through three particular scenarios that have been particularly triggering - thinking through the feelings/thoughts/behaviors/and situation… and then reframing those thoughts. Again, reading back what we worked on - it seems SO simple… but it’s damn hard to see the forest for the trees when you’ve been berating the trees for how much they suck for decades.

I’m very thankful to have an objective, knowledgeable, licensed partner to help me tackle these intense, unhelpful feelings and behaviors. While the insights I’m gaining don’t equal immediate change… they position me well for change. For being more mindful and aware and better able to take care of myself (and better care of my family).

There is much to think through during the next week, but I’m looking forward to the opportunity.


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